Re: The True Nightmare

First topic message reminder :

Morbius wrote:No enemy you could possibly concieve is more powerful than the True Nightmare. Unless you present real coherent threat, it's peanuts compared to the Nightmare.

Sounds like a challenge to me!

_{(Jer wants his thread to remain on topic.)}

morbius did you ever read my post on page two of the Arzonus thread!?

But you obviously know what needs to be done. So please elaborate.

There is a difference between mourning and behaving like a lost dog...

He says "Don't go!" four times, even after the situation's been explained. Our Hero, after all his endeavours, would not feel alien to the concept of sacrifice...

1) If we're suppose to love her, then I do not support that we develop such feelings for an NPC. Thus, I suggest changing the dialogue.
2) Contrary to the above, I feel the dialogue does not reflect both a maturity of your writing, or the maturity of the player. Thus, I suggested changing the dialogue.

Either way, dialogue sucks. That is, unless different dialogue paths are given - where the player can choose how they would react.

No Morbius! You are the writer. I, as an interested reader can point out flaws, but I don't presume to know what you actually should do to fix them.

EDIT of elegant rephrasingness: I, as a reader, am capable of seeing places where what you've written just doesn't work for me, that's all I can do. You're the writer, you have the grand plan, you're the only one who can actually write the piece, but that doesn't mean you're above making mistakes in the writing process.

Do you want to know a little secret regarding Arzonus?

I was just looking over some old files, notably music files and was overcome with a slight wave of nostalgia. I recall the very music I listened to that inspired me to write in the first place, the music that I listened to set the very tone and mood needed for the relevant story, and the music I wanted to use alongside it.

Most of it was from a website called FreePlay Music, you may or may not know of it, it has royalty free music that can be used and downloaded for free for projects. Some other pieces also found were the original American flute I used to listen to. All of it set the mood to write, when I usually wrote interesting pieces.

... that post seems incomplete.

"Do you want to know a secret?"
*proceeds with some explanatory babbling*
... *doesn't actually divulge the secret*

Morbius, I don't know why you are so resistant to us. When I tell you that something you wrote seems weak, I'm not trying to say the whole thing is, I'm pointing out flaws that I see. In two recent threads, you asked why no one had said anything. Well if I'm going to be honest, for me it's because when I pour my heart out, when I give you carefully crafted feedback and try and explain in lengthy posts that it's help and not an attack, and all you ever do is attack me and then fall silent, never acknowledging what I've said nor showing the slightest sign of listening, why should I say anything to you?

I was recently talking with 3mpty and we were talking about how it's odd that you want to publish novels. The reason we find this odd is because the way you are now you could never work with an editor who did anything except find typos (hint: that's not their only job).

You are in some ways my worst nightmare in working with a writer. You are brilliant, you have a mastery of the language, you can develop intricate plots and deep storylines, but you are unwilling to accept even the most basic of higher order help. You taught yourself a lot of this if I'm not mistaken, as such I don't think you've ever really learned the value of peer editing.

In my intensive writing class we pore over piece after piece of our peer's writing. Last week I brought a piece to class, the next period the whole class discussed it, and I wasn't allowed to talk. They attacked every weakness of the piece, they wrote carefully crafted feedback, they covered topics from weak vocabulary to bad structure. But guess what, after a few drafts that'll be fixed. They are partly responsible for that. Working with peers can help you. I don't know if it's because your peers are nowhere near your level, or because they've alienated you in some way, but you obviously have a hard time with this.

If you bring writing to us, you have to realize it's not just going to be something for us to admire and praise. A lot is missed in the echochamber of ones own mind: perceptions, actions, and thoughts. There are going to be problems, weaknesses, things that don't ring true to the ears of thosse outside. If you bring stuff here, we assume you want feedback, that's the truth. And if you don't want feedback, and don't want to respond to us when we give it, and don't really even want us to read your piece critically, then why the hell are you putting it on here, and why the hell should we even respond to you?

I would have asked my peers to help, but they're never there.

Why do you think I pursued this in the first place?

Ok also Morb, do whe see tandoca after that she dies or only in the torn realm, also I'll make it, if the player and Tandoca fall in love actually, they try to hug each other but they can't, and after tandoca banishes the player crumples and curses the nightmare and cries, I hope that this helps

MorbiusMonster wrote:I would have asked my peers to help, but they're never there.

Why do you think I pursued this in the first place?

Pursued what? If you mean this forum...then I guess you want help from us. If you want help from us then I'm very confused as to your behavior. I'm confused because every time we give you any feedback that isn't unconditional praise/approval, you assume it's a personal attack and/or we're trying to hijack the piece. Why should we give you any feedback at all if you're going to be so damned unpleasant to us when we do.

If you mean writing in general is what you pursued for lack of peers...well then you obviously are writing and creating things for yourself alone, and that's where we have a stumbling block. You still seem to be treating this mainly as a glimpse of your little fantasy world where everything is perfect and the isolated/forgotten people are powerful and noble and will save the day. So when we offer feedback you seem to think it's an assault on your personal fantasy while we are really trying to just help you create a more effective piece for other people to read, play whatever.

---------------------

If I recall correctly, you said that you taught yourself how to write. I think you've developed a pretty elegant style and a good intuition, yet you appear to have missed the most important thing a writer must be able to do, and that is significant, higher order (so plot, impression, flow, voice, underlying message etc.) revision based off both feedback and your own re-readings. If 3 readers from various backgrounds around the world tell you a scene doesn't work for them, that is an incredibly good reason to rethink that scene.

------------------------

So it really all comes down to one question: Do you want our feedback? If you just want our praise, well then I'm not gonna waste my good time reading a piece that has only gone through edits from one person and is based off some fantasy inside his head he's unwilling to change. If you do, then you have to accept that it might be criticism and you have to be willing to understand it isn't an assault on your character. So answer that question for yourself, and please get back to me.

If you want me to turn this into a drama, then I will.

Having been sick of being alienated, bullied and discriminated for all of my secondary school years, I sought an outlet so that way I could distance myself from the talentless pieces of crap that appointed themselves with the rights to bully me, day in, day out. Then when people noticed what I could do, they began to see a side of me that had wit and charm, that they couldn't previously notice, hiding behind the herd of sheep that thought it justifiable to ruin my life, during a rough period of transition.

Now the people who I came to know as friends have all moved on, I have nobody, so maybe my later work is centred around me, because there is only me now. My mind has been preoccupied with so many other things, such as finding a job (which is no longer a problem anymore, because I bided my time well and found something I will thrive well in) and now I can't decide whether to fit myself into the working world or to try and pursue this at a higher level, perhaps a creative writing degree, so I can know what it means to write and perhaps write books, motion pictures and games, because I have proven to be very good at analysis and original writing (all my English Coursework came up as A grades). So yeah, I am kind of psychotic.

And Dusk, I don't mean to sound offensive, but please be realistic. Tandoca dies, the Nightmare cannot influence what death she dies anymore because it has been slain once and for all at this point. There would be no point in cursing the Nightmare, the contract is beyond its control once it is broken. Raizahka allowed Tandoca to die, by simply fading away, so there is no residue, ashes or dust. It's like the very atoms she was made from were never there.

Dark can probably express it better than I can, but I hope you don't see me(us?) as someone trying to ruin your life, or any of your work. You might not consider us your friend, but then at least see us as some kind fo supporters, trying to help you improve your written work. You can use our feedback for what you want (That's the writer's privilege). But please don't see it as an attempt ruin anything, we mean for it to help improve, one way or the other.

I'm not sure I managed to convey the message in a satisfactory way...

Can I ask what job?

I'm just going to ask questions.

1) Do you want feedback, or not?

Simple.

Dark is not trying to get dramatic, nearly everything he said was a compliment aside from your inability to understand feedback - taking it as a personal attack.

Also, your not the only one who's been bullied. And I think creative degrees are widely regarded as useless - or a waste of money. They can't teach you to be creative, you either are or aren't. You'd be better off persuing a vocation or apprenticeship - learn from peers/experience. You need the peers and contacts - which you can get from more cost effect sources than University.

Computer repairs.

Ok I was just rying to help

Yeah. I'm not the one being dramatic here. I'm asking if you want feedback or not. If you're just trying to showcase your writing I'm not really interested in reading it, if you want feedback, I'm happy to help.

After the Nightmare's recent bout with Terra, Kira and the player, it now realises that it isn't as resistant as it thought it was after thousands of years of being sealed in the Torn Realm. It now decides it should accept the help that the Shadow Apprentices offered originally in Nighttime over Lupine, after declining their assistance and undervaluing them.

The Shadow Apprentices are given special access to the Torn Realm, well senior members anyway. The Nightmare takes a strong dislike of Adam Vozen, who is simply seen as completely incompitent. It seems to tolerate Paige Shadowplay, saying she is "not a complete disappointment of a follower".

HEy Morb is the nigthmare the main antagonist or it's creator?, and if it's the later will you make more quests?

The Nigtmare is the main antagonist.

Yeah, I mean it's rather obvious from what he's been saying that it is the main antagonist...

Theta Magnus will appear, as a protagonist this time. Since the player will provide him with what he needs to find his great grandson, the last of his family, he will do everything in his power to protect the player.

And Theta Magnus honours his promises, provided the people he entrusts do likewise.

The Nightmare is a very self-absorbed being, it's primary desire to shroud all of matter in its darkness, and anything that cannot be consumed by night is to be destroyed.

Several books and remnants of narrative from eons ago name the Nightmare under many guises. Humans saw of it as the weapon created by their enemies to cause unease amongst their kind as they slept, so their strength would wane on the field of battle. It is not thought of as a being that had a separate cognitive existence beyond the mind, but those that saw it saw something that eventually drove them out of their minds.

The Lunar Tribe portray the Nightmare as the destroyer of Enlightenment, a goal in a pursuit to better one's self. Being an entity of fear, it drives away those that haven't the courage to change themselves to find a way of bettering said individual.

The Elven folklore also feature the Nightmare, as the killer of light. When it came to the mortal plane, it hated the light so much, because light was able to guide and banish fear from which it fed. It came to the land to shatter the crystal, so that the light couldn't be refracted from its beauty, evoking the wrath of Seren. The battle proved to be harsh, but Seren's own light was overcoming of all the Nightmare could throw against her.

TzHaar seem to list it briefly in their history as well, as the one that causes the very volcano they live in to cool and freeze over with its breath. The purger of nature and matter, changing nature to suit it needs. It is spoken off limitedly.

It appears the Nightmare manefests on one principal; fear. The fear of the enemy for whom you are on the front line to fight, the fear of never finding the right path, the fear of the darkness, the fear of your own world being reduced to a shell. Whatever fears creatures have, it acts upon them.

Morb I just noticed that you become member again, cool, btw <i got you on friends list, that's if you still play

I just started again for the end of the year, so I have something to do over the Christmas break, and the fox mask also went down in price, so I bought one. I am still a patriot to RuneScape, only usually playing when holiday events occur, but I thought I might as well prepare for the bonus exp weekend occuring in a couple of weeks over Christmas.

Hey Morb do you plan to keep the myreque related quest you maked?

The following quests have no sequels currently being made;
Aid of Arzonus (in which Donicus Whitearrow builds an alliance with the Myreque)
Mentality of Murderers (in which the Teleform are revealed)

Most of the other quests are one-offs, save for Heart of Ice and The Nightmare Begins. Those series will continue.